Stuck between a good film and a hit film? Not been able to decide whether to make a commercial film or an artistic out-of-the-box film? Well, let us tell you out-of-the-box movies get little limelight and just become the talk of the town during the awards season. What truly matters is how well you fool the audience into showing the same thing over and over again and get into the 100 Crore Club. Well, let us teach how an All-Time Blockbuster Movie is made. And if you might be lucky, you might even enter the 200 Crore Club.
1. Dear Lord, Let the cash flow in:
Start the movie with a lord's photo and a devotional background tune.
2. A-List Actor:
Rope in a huge superstar who has a big fan following. And in case you are falling short of budget, remove a few logical scenes that would spoil the entertainment value!
3. A Mannequin...we mean an Actress:
Rope in an actress who is ready to play the damsel in distress with brains that would make Einstien commit suicide and screen timing that would make Katrina Kaif of 'Dhoom 3' really proud.
The lead hero plays the maseeha of the people who can never go wrong. Make sure the movie has cliched heroic dialogues that would be uttered by all.
5. Powerful Villain:
He probably is a politician or has a lot of support from the politicians as well the police and no one has ever been able to pull him down. He would very likely bring a twist in the movie that would be of no use to the script. He loves to look at women as an object of pleasure and loves holding the gun in his hand!
The supporting actor or the right-hand of the hero whom we all feel bad for. He makes people laugh at the cost of his own humiliation.
Indians love romance. A pinch of romance is necessary and is loved by all. After all, the music album requires a few hit songs that would be sung by all the aashiqs!
8. Exotic Locations:
Romantic songs mean an unwanted and out-of-nowhere romantic song between the lead couple at exotic locations.
Bollywood is ZERO without emotions. There needs to be a death/show of weakness/dangerous situation in the hero's life. Include emotions and you win half the battle.
10. Logic-defying fighting scenes:
That would make you say- WOW
11. Item songs:
Well, ek item song toh banta hai! After all, the audience comes for entertainment and what better than making a woman wear itsy-bitsy clothes and make her dance at vulgar songs with vulgar steps!
12. Jaw-dropping Climax:
That one scene where the hero proves why he is the hero! Despite all the struggle and after tolerating that dumb actress, he survives and manages to kill the Villain. It doesn't matter if the two are flying in air or are on ground, the hero needs to win ANYHOW. And when we say that, we mean we just don't care about logic. All we care about is the whistles and claps.
So! Make sure your wallet is full. Because you are soon gonna invest it all in order to buy thousand of new wallets to keep the cash you would receive once the movie releases.
But do not open twitter for the next 4 months as there will be people busy cursing and making fun of you!